Great Aunt Lila’s Lessons
(C) Elaine Ingalls Hogg
The first time I remember meeting my great aunt I was a child. My mother wouldn’t tell me her age. She said it wasn’t polite to ask. “She’s twice my age,” was the only clue she’d give me. However, every child knows their mother is old so I drew my own conclusions, Lila was ancient! Now I’m the age she was when I thought she was the ancient one and from her life’s long example I’ve learned many important lessons.
Respect for God- I learned, rushed prayers were repeated and the warm bed was even more inviting by the time I said them the second time. While staying over night with Aunt Lila I was invited to say my bed time prayers. But there were so many people who needed a God Bless Prayer and the warmth and softness of the feather tick bed was so delightful to a five year old that I hurried.
“Elaine, you’ll need to say them again,” she explained patiently. “When you pray you’re talking to the King of Kings and you should speak your best.”
Obey the house rules – Obedience to those in authority held a high priority in her home. Although she never raised her voice to me I observed how the cat, Fluffy Bloomers, recognised when it was time to scurry out of the pantry. However, judging by the size of him, Fluffy Bloomers was well fed without the planned excursions to the pantry.
Find something to admire in another person’s skills even if the finished product is inferior to your own. - Auntie made a life long practice of looking for the best in people and in situations. As a young child I loved to comb Aunt Lila’s long red hair, then wind it up and decorate it with ribbons and hairpins. Now I realise a five year old’s idea of a beautiful hairdo is quite different from that of my fifty year old maidenly aunt’s. However, Auntie never let on. She sat very still and let me create my masterpiece. When I finished, I told her she looked pretty. “You’re right, I do,” she agreed as she admired the new style in the mirror. I was certain she should wear the new hairdo to church that evening. She went up the path with the curlers, fancy combs and dangling ribbons and I never knew if she changed the hairdo. For years I thought she liked it.
Little sayings say it all: Because money was scarce, every penny saved was a penny earned. Auntie ran her household and taught many a lesson from the quotes by which she created order in her life. ‘Wilful waist is woeful want’ she’d remind my mother when she lived in her home during her childhood. Instead of reminding me some child was starving when I cut the crusts of my sandwiches to take to the church tea, her words, “Oh how I long to have the crust that once I threw away,” has made me think twice when I’m making sandwiches. Now I let the consumer decide if they want to throw away the crust or not.
Her house was immaculate and even Santa Claus was not allowed to see a smidgen of dust. Cleaning always brought the familiar reminders, ‘Things done by halves are never done right.’ Or ‘A stitch in time saves nine.’ However her favourite admonition was one she must have inherited from her mother for my grandfather used it too. ‘Remember, don’t be slothful.’
Waste not, want not: – Long before it became an environmental choice, recycling was a way of living in my great aunt’s home- “Waste not, want not.” The words still echo from my childhood. Old calendars served as pictures to brighten a bare wall while the back of the months were good paper to use for making notes. Buttons were saved for a new garment or to repair an old one. Articles of clothing were cut up and reused in patchwork quilts, clothes for a child or a doll and rags for cleaning. Buttons were removed from discarded clothes and put in the button box. As a child I discovered this box contained many treasures; curlers, garters, small pill bottles, prescriptions, hatpins and the occasional coin. Playing in the button box on a rainy day kept me amused for hours.
Learning is an undiscovered treasure: - Auntie was an avid reader and loved poetry and prose alike. On my visits, I’d find lists of words and their meanings printed on torn off calendar pages and arranged near the counter where she could study them while she went about her work. Years later when I visited her in the nursing home, she told me she had been in the community room earlier in the day and Linda had a quiz for them. “You should have done well,” I remarked.
“Well, I’m getting older now and I sometimes forget things,” she reminded me. “But Linda had the answers so I could still learn.” This eagerness to learn even into her old age has been an inspiration. But I had to smile when under her breath she added her afterthought, “If I don’t forget what I learned.”
Know your roots: – Some families were not encouraged to climb the family tree lest they discover the bad apple but Aunt Lila felt it was important for me to know my family history no matter who was in the tree. When I went seeking I did discover a few dirty sheep but no black ones. Instead I discovered my people were hard workers, loved learning and they recognised the value of love and support found in the family unit. Laughter helped them get through the routine of everyday living. Their faith and courage took them through the hard times; times when a brother was killed in the war, a sister died from and asthma attack just days before her wedding; the time when her father and youngest brother died on the same day.
Be thoughtful of others feelings: - While Auntie was in hospital having radiation to shrink a cancerous growth on her face she was finding it difficult to eat as her mouth was very sore. The nurses offered to bring her various milkshakes and soothing liquids to help keep her nourished she responded, “That might be nice but I’d have to spoon the food on the tray a little. I wouldn’t want the cook to feel I didn’t appreciate her cooking.”
To make the best of whatever life brings: – Over the years, Auntie has watched her family and friends die, one after the other, until on the island where she lived, she was the oldest resident. She lost her independence and privacy when she gave up her home and moved from her cosy apartment to the nursing home. Gradually she’s lost her eyesight and was hard of hearing. Then in the last year or so of her life, she developed cancer. Most people would give up, yet over and over again she reminded me, “Elaine, there’s no use complaining. You just have to make the best of things.” The last time she was in a major hospital several miles from her island home. I called my mom to ask how she was. My mother said, “She’s busy making new friends and making the best of things.”
When I was a young woman, I married a Scotsman and he took me to his home in Scotland for our honeymoon. We spent several weeks touring then returned to his hometown to meet his friends and relatives.
